I am the very model of a modern major-general,
iand've information vegetable, animal and mineral;
i know the kings of england, and i quote the fights historical,
from marathon to waterloo, in order categorical;
iand'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,
i understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
about binomial theorem iand'm teeming with a lot oand'news --
with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
iand'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
i know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
in short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
i am the very model of a modern major-general.
I know our mythic history, king arthurand's and sir caradocand's,
i answer hard acrostics, iand've a pretty taste for paradox.
i quote in elegiacs all the crimes of heliogabalus,
in conics i can floor peculiarities parabolus.
i can tell undoubted raphaels from gerard dows and zoffanies,
i know the croaking chorus from the andquot;frogsandquot; of aristophanes.
then i can hum a fugue of which iand've heard the musicand's din afore,
and whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense andquot;pinafore.andquot;
then i can write a washing bill in babylonic cuneiform,
and tell you every detail of caractacusand's uniform;
in short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
i am the very model of a modern major-general.
In fact, when i know what is meant by andquot;mamelonandquot; and andquot;ravelin,andquot;
when i can tell at sight a mauser rifle from a javelin,
when such affairs as sorties and surprises iand'm more wary at,
and when i know precisely what is meant by commissariat,
when i have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
when i know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery;
in short, when iand've a smattering of elemental strategy,
youand'll say a better major-general has never sat-a-gee.
For my military knowledge, though iand'm plucky and adventury,
has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
but still in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
i am the very model of a modern major-general.
