[too $hort]
all rise...order in the court
the honourable judge muthafuckinand' too $hort
presidinand' over superior players court
the first case is the state vs. fate wilson a.k.a. baby flex
you beinand' charged wit home invasion and hoe slaughter
for fuckinand' another niggaand's bitch
[liland' fate]
listen close to what i say
dog, it might hurt ya
i be cuttinand' ya girl while you be goinand' to work bruh
when she first called my conscience was like, andquot;hell naw, fate donand'tandquot;
but she said, andquot;iand'm only around the cornerandquot;, and popped her liland' punt
apartment 5-7-0-1, told her i was eatinand' right now
be over there when i get done
got there, knocked on the door
she opened up the door half naked, lookinand' exquisite
ackinand' mad and'cuz i ainand't spoke to her since the last time a nigga hit it
she said, andquot;donand't worry forget it since we only have 30 minutesandquot;
and'fore her man came home for lunch
so i bust my nut and raised up wit
five mnutes to spare, her man unaware
i saw him in traffic, beeped the horn and threw a deuce in the air
yea iand'm a playa
but i feel guilty and'bout cuttinand' a broad
i need counselinand' dog, and'cuz itand's guilty as charged
simply because i felt victim to lust and
knowinand' all the while it was my cousin girlfriend i had been fuckinand' (damn!)
[too $hort]
the court finds you guitly as charged
your sentence is pui school
for pimpinand' under the influence, nigga
next case...
oh we got us a repeat offender in the house
jenny jones a.k.a. shanwnna
same oland' charge...wanted in 8 states
whatand's yo story this time?
[shawnna]
oh yes yoand' honor i see we talkinand' again
i have no representation now shall we begin
i know you seen my face before but...hold on my friend
itand's niggas gettinand' away wit doinand' the...same shit i did
i...canand't do no bid
i got a mortgage and my kids
in a forest by the bridge
and i drives a rolls royce in a porridge wit dem grills
so you undertand i was tryna pay me some bills
when i was flippinand' outta state while i was takinand' a chill
shootinand' deem and a couple friends, spend a couple ends
took the top off of the drop and let the bubble spin
niggas got off in my knot and let them troubles in
so i decided to put that shit in my own hands
none of these hoes can fuck me, only god judge me
that man told me he love me and he flash money
my only crime could just be livinand' it filthy
so let me hear it on moand' time--not guilty
[too $hort]
bailiff, take her into custody
[woman screaming]
oh, not my baby!
hell naw!
[too $hort]
next case...
state vs. velvet jones a.k.a. ludacris
you beinand' charged wit impeedinand' how traffic
spendinand' too much time tryna fuck one hoe
how do you plead mr. jones?
[ludacris]
man iand'm the pimp of all pimps and yand'all cominand' up short
[too $hort]
calm down before i hold yo ass contempt of court
[ludacris]
ya honor, just be cool, let me approach that bench
and sprinkle seasoninand' on yo ears and'bout how i choked that beeyotch!
[too $hort]
well did she promise you the pussy, mayn?
[ludacris]
she ceratinly did
i got empty mcdonaldand's cups in my car and my crib
she owe me sumthinand', bitch betta show me sumthinand'
wrap her legs around my waist and start to throw me sumthinand'
iand'm simply the meanest, you lookinand' at the stroke of a genius
the only verdict made should be the subpoena uh this penis
no objections or appeals, letand's cut us a deal
and i promise to tell the truth if my partner donand't squeal
sheand's awfully cautious, said the jury makes her nautious
she said she said sheand'd suck my dick if i dropped the charges
oh no! time to make ya kidneys shift
[too $hort]
but didnand't you fuck her best friend?
[ludacris]
oh, i plead the fifth
[too $hort talking]
yea, that sound like some shit youand'll say
oland' pimp ass nigga
due to lack of evidence, iand'm droppinand' the charges
donand't let me see you in here again
let this be a lesson learned
if you donand't know you player rules
you liable to violate the game and get sent away for a long, long time
remember...never hate on a real player
it ainand't gonand' get you nowhere, mayn
itand's a lotta hoes out there player so...
ainand't no reason fot yuo to fuck ya best friend
or ya cousin or ya brotherand's girl
get ya own bitch, mayn, you know what iand'm sayinand'?
you runninand' around here...
violatinand' major player rules
you and'bout to get the muthafuckinand' book thrown at yo bitch ass
fuckinand' and'round in this court
you know what iand'm sayinand'? itand's all about the money baby
it it ainand't about the money...it ainand't about shit!!
to all you niggas runninand' and'round here...
corny than a motherfucker
just tryna fuck a bitch and'cuz you wanna get a nut off
think about that money first, mayn--what is that bitch doinand' for you?
what are you gettinand' outta the situation?
tryna give a bitch sumthinand'
what you gonand' give her sumthinand' for--some pussy?!
itand's trickinand', mayn
donand't be a beeutch!
be a real pimp, nigga
make that hoe pay you for everythang you do
everythang you do you gotta get money, mayn...all day, all night
i wouldnand't fuck a bitch for free
just like i wouldnand't rap for free, motherfucker
yea, you know my favorite word...beeutch!!
